Flashbacks

Part of enduring a childhood riddled with uncertainty and emotional outbursts are flashbacks. Flashbacks are exactly what you think that they are. On any given day, a smell, a sound or a person with an angry tone can trigger flashbacks to my childhood war zone. The flashbacks can last a few seconds or the rest of the day. I replay the events that happened so many years ago and wonder what I could have done differently to change the outcome. In my flashbacks the outcome is always the same so it becomes a mental torture to a certain extent. Recently, I have channeled the flashbacks into future opportunities. I imagine 100 different possibilities that would have ended in a positive outcome. This alleviates my anxiety and helps me manage daily situations in a better way.

My eariest memory

My earliest memory takes place on a plane. I remember knowing that my parents were going to Miami, Fl all the way from Bogota, Colombia. The plane was not full and my mother allowed me to lay down on a row of three blue chairs next to where her and my father sat. As I lay down I felt a sense of comfort on the soft cloth chairs and I fell asleep. Soon after, I woke up and we had already left the airport. My parents took a cab to a nearby hotel and we had dinner at a local McDonald's. I ate chicken mcnugets with bbq sauce. I remember thinking that the food was delicious and like nothing I had ever tasted before. That memory stayed with me for 6 years, because that was the next time I ate at a McDonald's again. 

I remember always having a feeling of uneasiness, knowing that there was something wrong but not knowing exactly what the problem was. That night I don't remember my father much, I remember my mother, feeling her angst and her fear. I did not know that at that moment we were embarking on a life changing event.

Welcome

Follow me as I navigate my family history in order to heal the years that I endured under a mentally disturbed father. My story will be told through the eyes of a child, a teenager and an adult. Overall, you will find that there is a hope in God, healing and love. The wounds of the past do not have to dictate the happiness of the future.